Category Archives: chick lit

Chatting With the Chicks of Chick Lit

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Chatting with the chicks of chick lit Wed blogpost graphic 2016

In honor of #ChickLitMay, we dispense with the formalities and join our local TV channel 7777 mid-broadcast.

talk show host Chuck

Chuck: Ha ha ha ha! Welcome, welcome everyone to Chatting With the Chicks of Chick Lit! I’m your host, Chuck Lottateeth, and I am so thrilled to be able to introduce you to some of the most fascinating characters in literature today. I’m talking about the leading ladies of Chick Lit—those enchanting, romantic, darling, sexy, sweet, funny, headstrong—and, let’s face it, sometimes downright frustrating—modern women who headline this fabulously fun genre. I’m sure you’re going to love getting the skinny on these “novel” heroines, and who knows? You might just find your new BFF on the pages of one of these books!

So. Without further ado, please put your hands together and show some love for today’s guests: Rhonda Hamilton from Roll with the Punches and Alice Chalmers from Alice in Monologue Land.

Audience: Yayyyyy!

Chuck : Rhonda is a librarian with the Orange County Public Library, but when the clock strikes five, she enters that extra-tall phone booth and dons her cape, mask, sexy fishnets and roller skates to become a hot-to-trot roller derby queen! She’s killin’ it on the flat track, right, Rhonda?

derby girl

Rhonda: Actually, a cape and mask would really get in my way on the roller derby track. It’s the reason I didn’t pick “Superwoman” as my derby moniker. I prefer a more solid, regal name, like “Queen Hat Cheap Suit” or  “Empress The Adored One” or “Queen It’s A Belly of Cast Iron.” And I hate masks. We all do. We gotta see where we’re going so we don’t trip over other skaters and cause a dogpile on the track.

Chuck: But you are the sexiest (and tallest) librarian on skates, right? A whole lotta woman there. Listen, I saw you in that red harem girl garb at the fundraiser with that jingly velvet bra that got whipped off, and hello, baby! Va-va-va-—Ow!

Rhonda: Oh, gosh. Does your shin hurt? Put some of this ointment on it right away.

Chuck: Thanks. What’s in it?

Rhonda: Just some capsaicin plus a little battery acid. Great for all the lacerations and contusions we roller derby girls accumulate during a bout. Wanna see my latest road rash? It’s got the pattern of my fishnet stockings etched into the scab. Nice, huh, that purple and green tinge?

Chuck: Ew, not hungry for lunch any more. Well, our other guest today is Ms. Alice Chalmers. Alice teaches English at a local college, where she recently starred in a stage production of The Chronicles of Narnia. You must have made a splendid White Witch. Doesn’t she look the part, everybody?

teacher vector for Alice

Audience: Yes!

Alice: Uh. White Witch? Do I look that bad? I’m only 41. Give a girl a break.

Chuck: Oh, no. Of course not. Well, I’m sure you knocked their socks off as the—the—was it Aslan the Lion? Or maybe Father Christmas? A centaur?

Alice: The Lion? Father Christmas? A centaur? Oh, my God. Do I need a makeover, Rhonda?

Rhonda: Geez. Excuse me, Mr. Lottateeth. Alice was never in that play.

Chuck: So why is she here?

Rhonda: You want me to punch his lights out for you, Alice?

Alice: Not quite yet.

Rhonda: Just say the word.

Alice: Deep breath. Look, Chuck, I was in a production called The Venus Monologues at my college. Only it wasn’t a play. It was a collection of deep, poetic, and powerful monologues, written and performed by the students and faculty at the college. All about being female.

pole dancers 1

Chuck:  Ooooh. Sexxxxy. Are the rumors true? Were you all pole dancing throughout?

Alice: Oh, yeah. We were all pole dancing. You should have seen all us teachers in our black dresses and pearls swinging around those poles while we shrieked out our lines.

chubby pole dancer

Chuck: Oh, man. Will there be another performance?

Alice: You doofus! There was no pole dancing! We were reading monologues! About all the amazing and varied facets of being female in this world, from birth to being a mother to being an artist to blazing powerful trails for future women in business and leadership.

woman reading

Chuck: But you had a superhot romance going at the time, right? I believe a little bird told me it was more like threeeee hot romances?

Alice: Sort of. But—

Chuck: And I heard that you Venus girls wore black bustiers and feather boas on stage and then you all stripped at the end, like in Hair.

Alice: No way! Okay, Rhonda. He’s yours.

Chuck: Now, now, ladies! Put away your knitting needles! Hahaha! Moving right along, I have a few questions to ask you two today. First: If you were a shoe, what kind of shoe would you be?

Rhonda: Duh. A quad roller skate, maybe with wings and custom yellow wheels, just for fun.

Retro Style Winged Roller Skate

Retro Style Winged Roller Skate.

Chuck: And you, Alice?

Alice: Comfortable. Blue, maybe.

Chuck: Is that it, Alice? No favorite brand?

Alice: First, you can call me Ms. Chalmers, and second, I need comfort. I teach on my feet all day long. If you want to badger me about it, I can just go read a few grammatically hideous student papers that will be way funnier than you.

Chuck: Touche! Next question. What are the three items you would absolutely need to have with you if you were shipwrecked on a desert island?

Rhonda: My laptop with a battery charged for life. An ice pick to break coconuts open. And my skates. Assuming the island has some sidewalks or roads to skate on. In fact, even if there weren’t any roads, I’d still have them there to look at. They are soooooo awesome.

Chuck: Alice? Er, Ms. Chalmers?

Alice: Oh, wow. A cook, a gardener, and a carpenter. All male, in their thirties.

Chuck: Excuse me? Those aren’t items.

Alice: I know, and you’re excused. But it’s my dream. Stay out of it.

Chuck: Okay. If you had only $15 to spend, what would be the perfect date?

Rhonda: Get ice cream at the beach and walk the cliff walk at Besker Park with my best dude.

Alice: Wait. How did you know I had only $15 to spend on my last date? Did you hack my phone?

Chuck: Of course not! How about if you had $50 to spend?

Rhonda: Take a Gelson’s deli picnic to Anaheim Stadium for a game.

Alice: We’d got out to eat Indian food at the hole-in-the-wall restaurant down the street. I like it spicy.

Chuck: Oooh. You do, huh? Are you free later?

Alice: No.

Chuck: Well then, what’s your ideal date for $5,000?

Rhonda: Are you kidding me? A week in Paris with my BFFs. No men involved.

Chuck: Nice. Alice?

Alice: $5000? To blow on a date? Well, that would be me accompanying my son to the University of California for his first quarter.

Chuck: Okay. Your best friend is asked to describe you in five words. What would they be?

Rhonda: Persistent, clever (shut up—I am, too), devious, strong, and blunt. Maybe loyal. Depends which friend you ask.

Alice: It’s gonna take more than five words for me. Let’s see. Loving, motherly, talented, sometimes a little frustrated, world-wise—no, make that world-weary. Possibly a bit nervous—okay, a lot nervous. And maybe … full. Satisfied. Replete. Who needs men, anyway? They’re so complicated.

Chuck: Hah! Yes, we are, aren’t we? But what if your nemesis is also asked to describe you in five words? What would they be?

Rhonda: Persistent, clever, devious, strong, and blunt.

Alice: I don’t have time for a nemesis. But if you find one, and they want to describe me, I think I’ll just put my fingers in my ears. La-la-la.

Chuck: Ahem. If you could be the heroine in any chick flick, who would it be and why?

Rhonda: Lara Croft. OMG. I’d be all over raiding tombs.

Alice: Oh, I’d be Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone, cutting loose and sliding down the muddy slopes of the Amazon River, swinging on vines across chasms, riding in the “Little Mule.” Wait. Did I say that out loud? Oh, sorry. I … mean … I’d be Miss Pettigrew in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. Much safer.

Chuck: Well, this has been quite exciting and illuminating, meeting the two of you. Can you two lovely ladies visit us again soon—maybe wearing your bustiers and boas next time? Wink, wink? Nudge, nudge? We’ll provide the poles if you do the dances!

Rhonda: Now, Alice? Please?

Alice: Go ahead, Rhonda. Make my day.

kapow

Amy Gettinger’s books:

Roll with the Punches

What happens when the novel you’ve just finished writing and started hawking to agents gets published by a nationally bestselling author—just when Dad starts storing milk in the tool chest? You hunt for the book thief, of course, aided by a goofy roller derby team and two drool-worthy guys. Whether skating in treacherous derby bouts or downhill chasing Dad, one thing is sure: you’d better not fall, girl. http://myBook.to/RWTP

Alice in Monologue Land

Practice your snort laugh! College instructor Alice is headed down the campus rabbit hole into a world of adventure, romance, and danger. Add a splash of chaos and some cringe-producing talk of female body parts–on stage. But her students are going missing. Can Alice find them in time to avert tragedy in this “carnival ride of a tale with more spins than a tilt-a-whirl?” ~ #DiiBylo of Tome Tender Blog http://myBook.to/Alice

Kiss My Sweet Skull

A collection of seasonal short stories featuring the faculty and students of Garden Beach College, the fictional home of my novel, Alice in Monologue Land.

“Cupid, with a Eucalyptus Tree, in the Teachers’ Workroom”: Annabelle Lopez’s anonymously delivered valentine is so perfect that she knows her soul mate is tantalizingly close by, except none of the local candidates seems quite right.

“Apples and Goat Cheese, and a Red Bikini (In France!)”: Frannie, an au pair girl for a surfing family on the sunny French Riviera, finds  romance … and trouble lurking in the dark. The clue could be in the apples and goat cheese.

“Kiss My Sweet Skull”: Is pumpkin pie seriously the best answer for anthropology professor Dr. Betty Hundleby’s awful skull nightmares at Halloween? Or could an oddly timed kiss be just the thing she needs?  http://myBook.to/Skull

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Chick Lit May Scavenger Hunt “R”

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CLCMayAtoZgraphic2016

“R” is for Romantalicious.

What? That’s not a real word you say? Well, just look at it sitting there on the page. Fun. Dazzling. Silly. Innovative. Inviting. Doesn’t it apply perfectly to chick lit?

In romance novels, the reader watches a romantic relationship develop step by step, with the hero and heroine present (and misbehaving) in every scene. Success and satisfaction in the heroine’s journey is measured by seeing her land that guy. But we’re talking chick lit here. While romance is important to chick lit, it’s not the only thread. There may also be elements of mystery, adventure, family issues, work woes, and nearly any problem of modern womanhood that can be dreamed up and played with on the page. Yep. In chick lit, we play on the page–and humor is what binds our books together.

Chick lit gives a broader feel for a woman’s life: warts, laundry, acrobatic training, multiple boyfriends, and all. The chick lit main character (we don’t call her a heroine) is goofy and weird and klutzy and human. She may be tall or wide or only have one eye. She may be an overachiever or have a superpower. She may solve mysteries in Japan (see Stephanie J. Pajonas’s The Daydreamer Detective) or have an embarrassing weakness for Hostess Ho Hos (see Katheryn Kopach Biel’s I’m Still Here). She may constantly quote movie and TV lines (see Geralyn Corcillo’s Miss Adventure) as she tackles a life problem on her own, or with her sidekick(s). And she may be hella tall and get into dangerous situations where she needs saving–and have to save herself (see my Roll with the Punches). Men are not necessary to her survival. They’re nice, sexy, maybe even too cool for school, but not vital. The most important thing in the story is getting through life with a laugh. And wine. And possibly fashion.

So the romance in a chick lit story is often much lighter and sillier than that in a romance novel. Chick lit romance is comedic, feathery, offbeat, and … romantalicious. No ten-page sex scenes here. Chick lit readers prefer two pages of goofy, delicious near-sex, including a tad of realism. After all, how many times does a romantic encounter come off perfectly in real life? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Roll with the Punches cover March 2016 jpeg

Here’s an example of a romantalicious scene from my book, Roll with the Punches.

“My goodness, Little Red Riding Hood,” (James) laughed. “Tired of Grandma Yvette being around every corner? Let Mr. Wolf take the sting out.” He took the book and laptop, set them on the flowered day bed, and pulled me close. “I’m sorry, Rhonda. She’s a bit rabid. But that Jackson, now he’s evil. Stealing your stuff wholesale, wrecking your career and your dreams. I’d like to deck him.”

Or her. My heart still beat fast from the confrontation with Yvette. But at least James believed me over her. I relaxed, breathing in his smell: hospital soap and breath mints. And found my voice. “She thinks I’m crazy.” I gulped air. “Or a criminal. I’d like to …”

He wrapped his arms around me. “Shh. I think I found something. Remember Marcella Anderson? She’s got a son connected to the Enron scandal. He may be the guy we’re looking for.”

“No, forget about Marcella.” I said. “The final changes from the last summer rewrite are in the book, so she can’t be the culprit. But please don’t tell anyone yet.”

“Don’t be too hasty.” He kissed my hair. At which point I should have turned all liquidy, but my mind was whirling about Yvette and the book and who could have taken it and why.

He kissed my neck, and I pulled back, distracted. “Who? Who? Who took my book in the summer?”

Jackie called us from the living room.

This bedroom had a very big closet. Laughing, James scooped up the book and computer and took my hand and pulled me inside it. Then I found myself crouched down under the clothes rod, crammed between Jackie’s fancy dresses and over six feet of sexy man-hunk.

He said, “Well, the group is not exactly out of the clear yet. Jackie was a Communist in college, you know. She got in pretty heavy with all those Greenpeacers and environmentalists and shit. And neither George nor Marian has sold a book all year, so they must have a monetary motive.” His hands went for my breasts. “Did you like my roses?”

“Uh,” I stammered. The closet reeked of mothballs. My eyes teared up as Jackie’s letters slipped down my front. I tried to nudge them back up and they crackled.

I talked to cover up the sound. “The roses—very nice. How did you get Yvette …”

Mothballs had never been my friend, and now they were burning my sinuses something awful. James leaned in to kiss me just as I wiped my dripping nose on my sleeve. My elbow whacked his chin.

“Ouch.” He sounded peeved.

Steps came down the hall.

James held a finger to his lips as the bedroom door opened, then closed. Then suddenly, he was sitting down. He pulled me onto his lap and his tongue made its way halfway down my throat. Reflexively, my hands went under his shirt. Amazing realization: Tattoos didn’t matter in the dark. Now, if an image of Dal’s nose would just leave my mind screen.

James’s hands hit the letter paper on my stomach.

“That a girdle?” he laughed. “Or stuffing?”

I thought fast. “Take your shirt off, big boy.” I pulled the edge of his shirt up over his head and left it there.

“Ooh, you’re one hot author.” As he pulled it off, I dropped the epistles behind me to the shoe-infested closet floor.

“But I just can’t see Jackie or George—” I tried, but suddenly, my shirt was unbuttoned and his hands and lips were an assault on me. And so were the mothballs. I started to wheeze as his lips found my neck. “Listen. This could be fun, but I can’t breathe.”

He breathed hotly in my ear. “Hmmm. Your bra needs loosening,” he crooned, unfastening my front bra snap, “And your laptop needs to be checked for hacking.”

Huh? My laptop? Odd subject for foreplay. Oh, well. I tried to respond in kind. “But I need it, big boy. Check it fast, okay?”

He plunged a hand down my pants.

“Not that fast!” Ticklish, I bolted up to a bent stand, laughing and wheezing and swatting at his hands. I’d always envisioned passionate lovemaking with James, but this …”Slow down!”

“Better safe than sorry.” He started to rise, still caressing my jean-clad backside.

Was this the romantic tryst I’d imagined for months?

“Safe?” My insulted lungs and the images of the group’s worried faces wilted any lust I might have had. “I’m not safe,” I wheezed, pushing his hands away. “I’m having an asthma attack.”

“Safe for your motherboard.” Laughing, he reached over and unzipped my jeans, then yanked them down.

“Stop!” I shot up straight, hitting my head on the clothes rod. “Ouch!” I wheezed and my knee jerked up, pushing him into the door, which popped open, sending him toppling out of the closet.

I tried to follow, but something pulled hard at my hair. “Ouch! Ack! I’m stuck! I can’t move.”

Dazed, he straightened up, all tousled and gorgeous in the light, and examined my hair, which got caught more tightly with my every move I made.

“Ow! Ooowwww!”

“Oops. Designer jacket. Your hair’s caught on the beads. We’ll have to cut it off.” He pulled the jacket’s wooden hanger off the rod and walked me out into the room, where he produced a pocket knife. I took one look at the blade and lurched away from it. He lost his grip on the heavy hanger, which fell, bonking my shoulder and yanking my scalp to China. I howled in pain and flailed around, narrowly missing being impaled by the knife.

And there was Jackie in the doorway. “Oh, it’s not the cats. It’s you. Pants down. At knife point. God love ya.”

frustrated woman

There you have it. A romantalicious chick lit scene: kinda hot, kinda sexy, kinda closetus interruptus. With the requisite beaded designer jackets and fancy shoes. What else did you expect? Here’s hoping the next book you read is full of romantalicious chick lit scenes.

And here’s hoping you read it on your new Kindle Paperwhite. See details below.

 

Kindle paperwhite

Are you a book junkie? Want to win a Kindle Paperwhite + a $100 Amazon gift card? Visit each of the 26 stops on the #ChickLitMay A to Z Scavenger Hunt and collect the alphabet word at each stop (A, B, C, D, etc.), then submit the A-Z list of words via e-mail to traciebanister@gmail.com with the subject “A to Z Scavenger Hunt Entry.” Entries will be accepted until Sunday, May 22nd at midnight E.D.T. A winner will be chosen on Monday, May 23rd. Good luck!

The next stop on this Scavenger Hunt is the letter “S,” which is at 

http://www.tracykrimmer.com/2016/05/15/chicklitscavengerhunt/

If you’d like to start back at the beginning of the Scavenger Hunt with the letter “A,” go to http://katieoliver.com/ko/2016/05/chick-lit-a-to-z-scavenger-hunt/

$100 gift card

Amy Gettinger’s books:

Roll with the Punches

What happens when the novel you’ve just finished writing and started hawking to agents gets published by a nationally bestselling author—just when Dad starts storing milk in the tool chest? You hunt for the book thief, of course, aided by a goofy roller derby team and two drool-worthy guys. Whether skating in treacherous derby bouts or downhill chasing Dad, one thing is sure: you’d better not fall, girl. http://myBook.to/RWTP

Alice in Monologue Land

Practice your snort laugh! College instructor Alice is headed down the campus rabbit hole into a world of adventure, romance, and danger. Add a splash of chaos and some cringe-producing talk of female body parts–on stage. But her students are going missing. Can Alice find them in this “carnival ride of a tale with more spins than a tilt-a-whirl?” ~ #DiiBylo of Tome Tender Blog http://myBook.to/Alice

Kiss My Sweet Skull

A collection of seasonal short stories featuring the faculty and students of Garden Beach College, the fictional home of my novel, Alice in Monologue Land.

“Cupid, with a Eucalyptus Tree, in the Teachers’ Workroom”: Annabelle Lopez’s anonymously delivered valentine is so perfect that she knows her soul mate is tantalizingly close by, except none of the local candidates seems quite right.

“Apples and Goat Cheese, and a Red Bikini (In France!)”: Frannie, an au pair girl for a surfing family on the sunny French Riviera, finds  romance … and trouble lurking in the dark. The clue could be in the apples and goat cheese.

“Kiss My Sweet Skull”: Is pumpkin pie seriously the best answer for anthropology professor Dr. Betty Hundleby’s awful skull nightmares at Halloween? Or could an oddly timed kiss be just the thing she needs?  http://myBook.to/Skull

Readers’ Favorite 5-star Review for Alice in Monologue Land

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Readers’ Favorite 5-star Review for Alice in Monologue Land

Below, find the amazing and wonderful review for Alice in Monologue Land http://www.amazon.com/Alice-Monologue-Land-Amy-Gettinger-ebook/dp/B00VVK8NFM that Readers’ Favorite said via email last summer that they had found no one to do. Guess this lovely lady did do a review in September, after all, and the email about it to me got lost in political spam. Well, I didn’t go hunting for Alice’s page on Readers’ Favorite until today, when I thought I’d bite the bullet and pay for a review. But to my surprise, here it is! A freebie! 5 Whole Stars!

FROM READERS’ FAVORITE

“Fun, fun, fun! That’s definitely how I would describe Alice in Monologue Land by author Amy Gettinger. following the story of Alice Chalmers, adjunct English professor, single mom, and basically all around stressed out woman. And when she’s ‘encouraged’ or, more aptly, ‘required’ to read a part in her campus’ upcoming “Venus Monologues,” things in her carefully orchestrated life start to fall apart. A coveted job opens up, but Alice is certain that the conservative selection committee would not appreciate her participation in the Venus Monologues. Her Dean pretty much forces her to continue with her participation though, and, resigned, she does so. It’s at practice for the monologues, that she meets the “Venus Warriors,” an interesting group of fearless college women who aren’t afraid to discuss or do just about anything. Throw in some special attention from not one, but three men interested in her and the fact that some of her female students have gone missing, and you’ve got yourself one heck of wild ride of a book.

I so enjoyed Alice in Monologue Land. This was an exceptional read and I read it from cover to cover in just a few days. Author Amy Gettinger has done a fantastic job in creating characters that are funny, intriguing and exciting, sometimes all at once. The story is truly laugh out loud funny at times, and in one scene I actually laughed until I had tears in my eyes. Alice in Monologue Land is a book that would be enjoyed by any reader who enjoys a book with a fun female lead, a book with a little mystery, a little suspense and a little romance all wrapped in one, or just a plain good book. I certainly hope that Amy Gettinger is working on her next novel in this same vein, because I, for one, will be eagerly waiting to read it!”

~ Tracy Slowiak for Readers’ Favorite

I am overjoyed! Thanks, Tracy, for reading and reviewing!!! Alice was meant for just your type of audience!

 

Apples, Goat Cheese and a Red Bikini (In France!) A sequel to the novel Alice in Monologue Land Part 1

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Apples, Goat Cheese and a Red Bikini (In

Hello, Peeps.

I recently wrote a short story for an anthology called Girls of Summer. It’s a sequel to my novel, Alice in Monologue Land. The anthology has been taken down from Amazon, so here is the story in chunks. I hope you like it.

Copyright 2015 by Amy Gettinger

This is a work of fiction, originally published in the anthology, Girls of Summer. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Apples, Goat Cheese, and a Red Bikini (In France!)   Part 1

July 9, 2004

“Let’s go back to Carmen’s. Gotta pee.” Sandee Kinney hopped a little, her pink-and-blue-striped ponytail flapping as she picked her way up the rocky beach toward the path back to Cassis, a Mediterranean village near Marseille. (In France!)

“Wait.” Fran Whittier put a hand on her sunhat to keep it from flying off in the whipping wind. She gazed over the heaving Gulf of Cassis toward Cap Canaille: an impressive, layered rock formation, the highest sea cliff in Europe. Which, in typical stony French fashion, had completely ignored Fran’s question. What good was a wise old rock that wouldn’t help a girl with her problems?

“Frannie! Now!”

“But …” Fran stood up. The two girls had spent the afternoon on a small, pebbly beach called Plage de Corton, five minutes’ walk to the west. When some cute guys toting surfboards had sauntered by, the girls had followed them here to rocky Plage de l’Arène, where the guys had joined a couple dozen surfers catching some nice waves.

Of course, the girls were just curious. The surfers weren’t that good-looking, with their Roman noses and intense gazes and long, muscular frames. On the beach itself, there was no one else except two skinny boys in tight French maillots and sandals. Maybe seven or eight years old, they were shrieking at the surfers riding the swells.

“Remy! Basile!” they shouted, jumping up and down. “Allez, allez, allez!

“Frannie!” Sandee said. “There aren’t any public restrooms around here.”

“Oh, use a bush! I’m not done here!” Fran’s time in Europe was about up. She would not be hurried away from this gorgeous scenery (in France!) “Or ask to use somebody’s toilet.” She pointed inland, where creamy old villas with orange tile roofs sat amid brilliant green vineyards and olive groves.

Sandee scrunched her nose. “Frannie! These people scowl when you ask to use a bathroom. Or else it’s filthy. I’m going back to Carmen’s.” She took off down the pathway towards the sleepy town, where their friend Carmen Polaski had rented a summer villa that the two girls were sharing this week. Before that, Fran and Sandee had done a two-week tour of Europe using Eurail passes. They were due to go back to Southern California in four days—back to work, freeways, cheeseburgers and college.

And Fran hadn’t even had a European kiss yet.

“Chickenshit!” Fran yelled at Sandee’s retreating form. Seriously. Why not squat behind a cypress tree? Mothers here let children pee everywhere. She turned back toward the beach to beseech the giant boulder one last time.

“What’s next for me?” she asked it. “Two years of general education at Garden Beach College: done. European adventure: nearly done. Now what do I do? Study ichthyology? Race cars? Become an astronaut? Learn Chinese?”

Nothing but stony silence from the Cap.

“Hey, rock! I don’t have all day!”

The surf pounded.

“Stupid rock.” She turned her attention to memorizing the whole sparkling scene—azure sky, foamy waves, olive-green cypress and scrub plants, red-and-gold-striated cliffs, chunky white beach, jumping kids. And gorgeous surfers—worth some serious memorizing. California had surfers, but French surfers (In France!) were just so cool, or blasé or—hard to put a finger on it, but vive la difference.

Her hat flew off as the wind picked up. She scrambled to grab it before it blew off into the trees behind her. When she turned back toward the ocean, three surfers were riding a huge wave toward the beach. A tall, handsome dude rode a red board off to the left side. A stockier guy took the middle, and a young teen navigated all the way in and beached his board right by the kids, smiling and breathless.

“Remy! Chouette!” the kids yelled, excited. “Mais où est Basile?”

 

Watch for my next installment later this week!

 

All Promotional Stuff + A New Review for Roll with the Punches

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MIAMI,  FL - MARCH 22: Derek E. Miller (L) and Alexis Krauss of Sleigh Bells perform at the Ultra Music Festival on March 22, 2013 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images)

Me in my wildest dreams

So this week, I posted a bunch of Chick Lit Chat HQ #chicklitmay #chicklitreads #chicklitmonth related blog posts, two with contests and prizes–got a lot of blog exposure, and some exposure for Roll with the Punches, my literary (cough) okay, humorous fiction baby.

And I wrote a new short story to include in another free (promotional) anthology for summer, featuring red bikinis. Good story–coming together well. I had nasty arm and back pain from too much computer use. Still do.

I tweeted and followed and tweeted and followed–not obsessively, but more than usual. I’ve got close to 300 (Woohoo!!) followers now, though my heart is not in tweeting at all. Sorry, Twitterverse.

I put Roll with the Punches on sale for 99 cents–> http://www.amazon.com/Roll-Punches-Roller-Alzheimers-Plagiarism-ebook/dp/B00V5B3W12

And I FB posted and tweeted and blogged about that, forgetting to include the buy link to Amazon. (Thanks, Paul De Lancey for catching that.) Then I included the buy link and it either wouldn’t stay a full link or it blew away the sale art. I can’t figure out how to post using my own (well, not my own–I begged it at the last minute from Karan Eleni at Bliss Book Promotions–bless her wonderful, giant heart) graphic for the book being on sale WITH the Amazon link, which wants to post my book’s cover art. The two pix battled it out, and Amazon won.

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I am also being featured at Dianne Bylo’s awesome Tome Tender Book Blog–go here–> http://tometender.blogspot.com/2015/05/spotlight-on-amy-gettinger-her-fun.html?zx=cb46d30f863b4393. She is sooooo generous with her time and her great reviews. Love her! She makes my spotlight look really fun, and she’s just a peach.

Fools Rush In, the April Fools Day free (promotional) anthology that I have a piece in has reached over 30,000 people–many, many downloads. Should translate to sales, right?

I got a wonderful Amazon review from the awesome Karin Gillespie, whose Bottom Dollar books I adore. http://www.amazon.com/Karin-Gillespie/e/B001HCVXHY/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1431904518&sr=1-1

I did a quick promo with B Knights on Fiverr. Supposed to bring many sales!!! Yeah! But I must have done something wrong. Seriously.

I have great support! I do! My husband, my friends! Dianne Bylo! The incomparable Karan Eleni! Karin Gillespie! The large and very supportive Chick Lit Chat community!!!

And I sold 2 books. And 2 got borrowed. All that to sell 2 books. And loan out 2.

Yeah, I was in tears yesterday.

Then, I dug into the email I missed when I was mid-cold virus two weeks ago and found this Reader’s Favorite 5-star review–which apparently can’t be posted on Amazon, but which is pretty cool.

Book Review
Reviewed by Jack Magnus for Readers’ Favorite

“Roll with the Punches: A Story of Roller Derby, Alzheimer’s and Plagiarism is a chick lit novel written by Amy Gettinger. Rhonda’s relatively carefree existence gets entirely turned upside down in almost no time at all. The librarian and aspiring novelist finds out that the novel she’s been writing for over a year, and spent a full month finishing, has been plagiarized by the mysterious, best-selling author, Reynold Jackson. To make it even more painful a loss, the book’s a runaway bestseller and the fact that she had shopped the book to a number of agents means her reputation is totally shot. Things are even worse at home. Monica, the older sister who took care of things relative to their parents, has emigrated to Australia, her mother’s in the hospital and her father is acting very oddly.

Amy Gettinger’s romantic comedy, Roll with the Punches: A Story of Roller Derby, Alzheimer’s and Plagiarism, works on so many different levels that it’s awfully hard to categorize it under any single genre. The mystery of the purloined manuscript and the sleuthing efforts of Rhonda, her friend, Harley and the Amazon Rollergirls is first-rate, with plenty of red herrings and an unpredictable ending. Rhonda’s adventures in the roller derby world are marvelous as is her love of being active, strong and athletic — she makes a fabulous role model for young women. The issue of aging parents and the duties that seem to fall willy-nilly on the geographically closest child is a serious one that’s handled with love, humor, and respect. Finally, there’s the romance, something Rhonda’s not too good at, and how she resolves the sudden interest of not one, but two men. Yes, there are sex scenes in Roll with the Punches: A Story of Roller Derby, Alzheimer’s and Plagiarism, and they’re delightfully free of the usual cliches and filled with invention, frolic and warmth, and they were sheer pleasure to read. This is a big, warm-hearted, hilarious book that wraps the reader up within its covers and holds them there until the last page — and that’s a very good thing. Roll with the Punches: A Story of Roller Derby, Alzheimer’s and Plagiarism is most highly recommended.”

Go here for more info–> https://readersfavorite.com/book-review/roll-with-the-punches

So that made my freaking week. I really like Jack Magnus now. He gets me. He really gets me. I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars in 1985. If he ever needs a place to stay in SoCal, no problem. This is it.

And now you know how old I am.

Wow! I’m in the spotlight at Tome Tender Book Blog!

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WHOOOOOOOOOOOP!

I am privileged this week to be featured on Dianne Bylo’s fabulous Tome Tender Book Blog. Dianne is a top-500 reviewer on Amazon and a VORACIOUS reader!!! She’s graciously offered to review and feature both of my books (plus the 2 anthologies) this week!!! What a fun ride! Thanks so much, Dianne!!!

http://tometender.blogspot.com/2015/05/spotlight-on-amy-gettinger-her-fun.html

And here’s her review of Alice in Monologue Land.

Alice cover 1

“Practice your snort laugh, you are going to need it and its okay if someone hears you, it means another author has done their job! Amy Gettinger has a story to tell and it’s one for regular women, and about regular women, because seriously, sometimes guys just don’t get many of a female’s issues or stumbling blocks in life. Meet Alice, single mom, struggling to make ends meet, be in three places at one time and now, a speaker for a unique women’s literary event. And she is trying to find a way out of it, desperately, because, really who wants to read a poem or anything about female body parts. Alice isn’t a groundbreaker, she’s good with not being up close and personal with her, um, you know…and the oppression women have felt over being comfortable with their bodies? Can’t call her a groundbreaker there, either.

Pretty sure you have figured out this is not drama, although Amy Gettinger does make some dramatic scenes come to life with a bit of mystery and edgy darkness. Ms. Gettinger is here to entertain and she succeeds admirably, from page one as she takes us through the chaotic life that belongs to her main character, Alice. From dark parking lots to students who are more than they seem, to pythons giving “hugs,” one must admire the character Alice or pray for her survival.
A fun-loving read, perfect to bring sunshine to even the cloudiest day, Ms. Gettinger lets us know it is okay to laugh at ourselves, just in case we can identify with Alice and that reading less than lofty tomes brings a certain sparkle and shine to the literary world. I might suggest you hang on tight, this tale has more spins than a tilt-a-whirl.”

http://www.amazon.com/Alice-Monologue-Land-Amy-Gettinger-ebook/dp/B00VVK8NFM

I am happy dancing all day today!!! Hope you’ll go over and check out her blog post–you can win gift cards!!!

What’s on Page 45?

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What'sonPage45

Wow! Two fun writing blogs about my book 2 days in a row! In honor of Chick Lit Month–May, on the Chick Lit Chat group on facebook. So what IS on page 45? Take a guess.

In Roll With the Punches, page 45 is where Rhonda realizes just how much hot water she’s in with her book having been stolen and her dad a sudden wild card—quite unpredictable and irrepressible (in layman’s terms: looney tunes) in his actions. Her mother is about to have surgery on a broken ankle, and Rhonda’s siblings are out of town. She’s really stressed out, waiting at the hospital. So take a guess what she does—what any red-blooded American librarian/novelist would do under such sudden, elemental, parental and societal pressure.

 

  1. She snorts a bunch of coke? Uh, nope. She’s too cheap to buy it. And being allergic, she’d probably sneeze it all into the next county. L. A. has plenty of drug problems without her adding to the mix.
  2. She gets drunk? Nah. Getting drunk is for wusses. Or for later in the day.
  3. She goes to the mall and buys out Nordstrom’s? Hah! With her credit score? Get serious. Besides, she still has t-shirts and shorts with a few good wearings left in them.
  4. She chows down on burgers and fries at McDonald’s? You have very bad taste in burgers. We may not let you guess any more.
  5. She does word scramble puzzles at the speed of light with the aid of her super color/letter sensitivity? BINGO! We have a winner! Of course, after that, she leaves her parents snoring in the hospital to hop in the car and head for the beach. A girl needs fresh air and gorgeous views to figure this hard stuff out.

 

Please join Rhonda in more of her rollicking, humorous chick lit mystery/adventure, full of fun and light romance: Roll with the Punches. Here is her blurb:

Falling is extra hard on tall people, like Rhonda Hamilton: the bone breakage, the bruises, the ignominy of it all. And Rhonda’s falling, hard. The latest novel from a reclusive national bestselling author is a twin to the manuscript she’s just finished and started marketing to agents. Some wild roller derby girls add a bludgeon of crazy to Rhonda’s hunt for the book thief, but can they find out the truth before her reputation tanks?

Plus, Dad is acting odd: storing milk in the garage and throwing away Rhonda’s clothes. Two drool-worthy guys offer to help, guys Rhonda would gladly fall for, if her life weren’t careening between crazy Dad, crazy-ass derby bouts and burlesque fundraisers, and crazy-inducing mudslides. Only one thing is sure: if she wants to nail the wily plagiarist and keep Dad safe, Rhonda had better stay up on her skates to avoid a very big fall.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Roll-Punches-Roller-Alzheimers-Plagiarism-ebook/dp/B00V5B3W12

 

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Pippa Franks – http://pippafranks.blogspot.com/2015/05/whats-on-page-45.html

Laura Kenyon – http://wp.me/p28QA1-1JR

Jayne Denker: http://wp.me/p2yU7r-gy

Gina Henning – http://www.ginahenning.com/blog/2015/5/4/whats-on-page-45

Laura Chapman – http://www.change-the-word.com/2015/05/chicklitmay-whats-on-page-45.html

Celia Kennedy – http://womanreinventsself.blogspot.com/2015/05/whats-on-page-45.html

Jennifer Farwell – http://jenniferfarwell.com/2015/05/12/whats-on-page-45/

Glynis Astie – http://blog.glynisastie.com/2015/05/whats-on-page-45.html

Tracy Krimmer – http://www.tracykrimmer.com/2015/05/11/page45

Jillianne Hamilton – http://jillianne-hamilton.com/whats-on-page-45/

Georgina Troy – http://georginatroy.blogspot.com/2015/05/chicklitmay-whats-on-page-45.html

Jennifer Collin – http://jennifercollin.blogspot.com/2015/05/whats-on-page-45.html

Samantha March – http://samanthamarch.com/chicklitmay-whats-on-page-45/

Sky Greene – http://livinglifewithjoy.com/2015/05/11/chicklitmay-whats-on-page-45/

Kathryn Biel – http://kathrynbiel.blogspot.com/2015/05/whats-on-page-45.html

Meredith Schorr – http://wp.me/p2PJqp-xV

Karen M. Cox – http://wp.me/p3IgXQ-nH

Jennie Marts – http://celiakennedy.weebly.com/promotions.html

Serena Clarke – http://wp.me/p2Z7wj-XU

 

GRAND PRIZE

1poundcaramelsforchicklitmay

A one-pound package of caramels from Whitney’s Goodies http://whitneysgoodies.com/  Winner can choose their flavor from those listed below.

The Girl Next Door (Crème Caramels): A scrumptious, full-bodied caramel. Old fashioned, melt-in-your-mouth bliss!

The Charmer (Chocolate Crème Caramels): This smooth, chocolate cream caramel will add panache to your day. An exquisite and elegant morsel, simply irresistible.

The Movie Star (Orange Crème Caramels): A timeless treat that will satisfy caramel fans of all ages. “The stuff that dreams are made of!”

The Bombshell (Lemon Crème Caramels): A bodacious bit of heaven with a bold citrus pallet. They will leave you satisfied and refreshed. Caramels are a girl’s best friend!

Always a Lady (Rose Caramels): A delicate bouquet of rose essence infuses this lovely caramel: alluring, tantalizing and reminiscent of another era. They are perfect for weddings and bridal showers. A definite for ladies who lunch or breakfast at Tiffany’s.

HOW TO ENTER

To enter, answer the following question in the comments section below. You can enter at each of the blogs participating in the pageant. That’s 37 chances to win! Entrants must leave their full name, along with an e-mail address. A winner will be chosen via Random.org on Tuesday, May 19th. This giveaway is open to residents of the USA only.

In 4 or 5 words, why do you think Roll with the Punches would be a good read? (Be sure to leave your email address to enter.)